Dear Pastor - Reverend Dr Aaron Dumas

[ECO]

Lol, these are good!

[Jelakins]

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I have a problem and I need your advice. I am a married woman living in the States but my husband lives in Jamaica. The problem is, I fell ill in 2007 and had to go through treatment. I told him about my illness and he never once visited me. He has a visa, so his ability to travel was not an issue. I filed for him and now it's coming through.

What do you think I should do? I am awaiting your advice.

M.C., New York, United States

If this was me, that man would NEVER see me again!
Unless of course he was in hospital himself.

You would go and see him in hospital after he didn't visit you??
Nat me sah - unless of course I put him there and went back to make sure he doesn't talk!!!!!!!!

[ECO]

He could of been busy with his girlfriend, give the man a break........kidding, time to dump his ass and roll the dice again.

[Batty_gyal]

You would go and see him in hospital after he didn't visit you??
Nat me sah - unless of course I put him there and went back to make sure he doesn't talk!!!!!!!![/quote]

[ECO]

Yawn, I think every man who strays gets women knocked up during a one night stand........sort of funny since so many married people have a hard time having kids.

Or there are some dumb women who fall for the one night thing.

[Wahoo]

This one made me laugh

I have been in a relationship with a 26-year-old guy for three years. We live in the same community. He's the best person in my life and the first person I have ever loved. But I have a problem. Last year I found out that he's still talking to his ex-girlfriend and other girls. I found this out by searching through his phone. He always told me that he slept with other girls and last month he told me that he had slept with his ex-girlfriend. I didn't talk to him for three days because I was angry. He was calling me but I ignored his calls. When I finally got around to speaking to him, he told me that it did not happen this year, it had happened last year. At that time, we were on and off. I don't believe him but we are now talking. I have forgiven him, but I can't forget.

Please, pastor, tell me what I should do.
K.K.

Dear K.K.,

[color=#0000FF]"...last year"

translation: "last night"!
[/color]

[ECO]

This is almost as good as the Jerry Springer show!

[ECO]

I am a Jamaican living in the United States. I have a very big problem. I have been seeing a man for over a year. About three months ago, he told me that he is married and he has a son with his wife.

Maybe he forgot? Not everyone has a perfect..........what's the word I'm looking for............oh yeah memory.

[ECO]

Dear Pastor,

My girlfriend has complained on numerous occasions about the size of my penis. Ever since I was younger, my penis was a bit larger than usual and now it is affecting my sex life.

Could you tell me what I should do as it is now nearly resting on my knees?

V. W., St. Andrew, Jamaica

Dear V. W.,

Did you say your knees?! My! That sounds like the size of a donkey's. Are you serious? Your knee?! Which woman can stand that? She would have to be created specially for you. Sir, go and see a doctor. I don't know what he/she would suggest to you, but I feel that you should hurry up before that thing goes beyond your knees.

Pastor

I have the exact same problem! .............Assuming the Jamaican word for balls is "knees"

I'm not sure if there is such a thing as "dick transplants" but if I was him I would sell it on Ebay and then buy a normal size one.

[ECO]

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I hope God continues to bless you with health and strength in order for you to keep giving your fatherly advice to people like myself who value it so much. I have been married for eight years. I originally got married to help my husband and, in the process of doing so, I fell for him and tried to make it work otherwise. After going to hell and back with my husband, and with him threatening to kill me and my children, I decided that our marriage would not work. I relocated to a different state.

I met someone who I have been involved with for almost a year. He lives with his child's mother. Being with someone who is in a relationship is something I would have never done. I am in an excellent paying job, so it's not like I'm not making good money.

For some strange reason I have accepted his living with him child's mother. I am not happy. I think my self-esteem has lowered so much that I sometimes think that not even God is hearing me anymore. I am used to praying and asking God for guidance and, lately, I don't think He listens to me anymore. Maybe He is tired of me, the same way everyone else is. I have lowered myself so much that I can hardly recognise who I am anymore.

I pray to find a good church with an understanding pastor who I can talk to without being judged but that does not seem to be working well. I really need your prayers because right now I am living day-by-day and just doing whatever might come along, without thinking of the consequences. I wonder if it is that maybe I don't care about the consequences. I have other family issues that would be a whole column by itself.

For the most part, I'm still mentally and physically able to think and function daily and I must thank God for that. I really don't want to be with this man but I'm not ready to deal with a man for myself.

I can't trust another man 100 per cent right now, so I figured its best I leave things the way they are. My husband now tells me that he is not signing the divorce papers in order to let me go in peace.

What should I do, pastor? How can I turn my life around?

Please, help me. I need your fatherly advice.

Lost, U.S.A.

Dear Lost,

I have said it before and I will say it now. Happiness is a choice. You brought unhappiness into your life by doing a business marriage because you claim you wanted to help the man who became your husband. That was wrong. You tried to make the relationship work by pretending that you loved him. None can force to himself/herself to love another. It has never worked and it will never work in the future.

You got involved with another man who lives with another woman. Perhaps you got involved with this man because you believed you needed male companionship. Again, you chose the way you want to live. You didn't have to agree to become intimate with this man. Now you feel that if you were to end the relationship with him, you would be left alone.

Another mistake you are making is that you feel that nobody understands your problem. Nobody cares for you. You are always in a state of self-pity. You have chosen to believe that nobody cares, not even church brothers and sisters. You have lost confidence in God. You want God to help you but, at the same time, you want to do your own thing, so to speak.

What I want to tell you is you are messed up and, until you come to the place where you are going to put your life in God's hands, you will never be happy. Use God's word as your guide. Read it everyday. Confess to God that you are a rebel and ask God to clean you up and set you free.

Pastor

IMO, God has better things to do this help her out of the messes she created.

I have lowered myself so much that I can hardly recognise who I am anymore.

hmmm, I wonder at what point this started?

[Batty_gyal]

LMFAO..I love the first part of this answer to the girl with two men. " Your are perhaps a beautiful girl but your not smart at all"!!:D:D:D:D

[Rose21]

Most of you will know that I love listening to Dear Pastor on the radio. Some of the topics and responses are absolutely hillarious.

For those of you who have never heard of him, here is a little profile about him:

For over 25 years psychologist and pastor, Dr Dumas has been offering advice to numerous Jamaicans both locally and in the diaspora through newspaper columns. In 1977 he had his first column in the now defunct Daily News' Sunday Sun tabloid. When the Daily News closed, its parent company, The Gleaner invited Dr Dumas to start the 'Tell Me Pastor' column in 1983. Since then the column has experienced increasing popularity and is now the most widely read column in any of the island's newspapers. Dr Dumas started hosting 'Dear Pastor' on POWER 106FM in December 2002, and from the first airing of the programme the high listenership has been reflected in the numerous calls Dr Dumas receives nightly.

Dr Dumas has a MA degree in counseling and a Doctorate in Psychology. He is also the island's first government appointed marriage counselor. Dr Dumas' passion for counseling couples in particular, arises from his deep concern about the breakdown of marriages and his desire to help build family life.

He considers 'Dear Pastor' as an avenue through which he can inform and educate listeners on life issues as well as be a source of encouragement to those with problems.

Source: http://www.go-jamaica.com/power/pp-dearpastor.html

Dr Dumas also has a column in the star newspaper, and I'm going to post a selection of the letters here, along with his response.

Please feel free to offer your own advice to the original letter writer
======================================================================
Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I have a problem and I need your advice. I am a married woman living in the States but my husband lives in Jamaica. The problem is, I fell ill in 2007 and had to go through treatment. I told him about my illness and he never once visited me. He has a visa, so his ability to travel was not an issue. I filed for him and now it's coming through.

What do you think I should do? I am awaiting your advice.

M.C., New York, United States

Dear M.C.,

Your husband should be ashamed of himself. Even if he had to borrow the money to pay for his fare, he should have visited you. Shame, shame, shame on him. However, you will have to make your own decision as to whether you wish to continue the filing process to have him come to live with you in America.

Pastor

She should let the man stay where he is.oviously, she was very ill. He has no compasion for his wife, as the pastor said " She will have to make her own decision"

[Rose21]

This one made me laugh

I have been in a relationship with a 26-year-old guy for three years. We live in the same community. He's the best person in my life and the first person I have ever loved. But I have a problem. Last year I found out that he's still talking to his ex-girlfriend and other girls. I found this out by searching through his phone. He always told me that he slept with other girls and last month he told me that he had slept with his ex-girlfriend. I didn't talk to him for three days because I was angry. He was calling me but I ignored his calls. When I finally got around to speaking to him, he told me that it did not happen this year, it had happened last year. At that time, we were on and off. I don't believe him but we are now talking. I have forgiven him, but I can't forget.

Please, pastor, tell me what I should do.
K.K.

Dear K.K.,

This guy is a player and you have to expect anything from a player. You may look at him as the best thing in your life but, as I see it, you are just another of his girlfriends. And if you stick around with him, you will find out that he is far from being ready to settle down with one girl.

The girls you describe as his ex are still very much a part of his life. So, if you want a good and steady relationship, look elsewhere.
Pastor

I was about to call her stupid! but I will just say she's young and in love.

[Rose21]

I am a 20-year-old young lady, currently living in the States. I love reading your columns. I read them every chance I get.

Pastor, I have been in a relationship for a couple of years now with my high school sweetheart. I love him with all my heart and would do anything for him. The thing about it is that I live in the States while he lives back home in Jamaica. During our relationship, while living in Jamaica, I constantly travelled to and fro. And that kind of put a strain on everything, even though he said nothing of this. We both love each other and show it in every way we can.

My mother doesn't like him one bit. She said that he is not the right man for me and she doesn't want to see me with him. When she found out that I was talking to him, she gave me a 'propa' beating and told me what she will do to either one of us if she ever hears that we are still in a relationship.

Pastor, I love my mother but I don't think that it is right for her to want to choose the man whom I will share my happiness with. It's not fair to me or my guy. After that beating, things stopped between us for a while but our feelings could only be held back for so long, so we continued where we left off.

I finished school and we were still together and very much in love. Then, it came time for the big step. I had to leave Jamaica for college while my boo was here, still in Jamaica. But, my future was on the line so I had to leave but was still in contact with him. My mother would say all sorts of things that she knew would hurt one's feelings and he took it to heart and had a one-night stand with a girl and she got pregnant. He became a father and I told myself that that would be the end of us. But, I love him so much that I forgave him and accepted his child.

Even up to this day I can't tell my mother about this relationship for I fear the things she might do as she told me herself what would happen. I was in Jamaica when I heard of the girl being pregnant and it hurt. I left Jamaica thinking it would help me get over him but it did not. He told me he can't jump to a conclusion to say that it's his, knowing the way it happened. When the child was born and they did the DNA test, it came back showing that he is the father. The child's mother and himself are not together.


I wanted to be with him, so I took the break I got from school, went to Jamaica without the knowledge of any of my family members and stayed at a hotel. We talked everything over and I got to meet the baby. At first, it was a horrible experience but gradually I began to accept the child and I love her. I know he loves me and I love him too but my mother is the one in the way now and I am afraid to tell her.

Please tell me I did the right thing in accepting his child and staying with him. I need your prayers and your advice. Please help me.

C., New York, United States

Dear C.,

Evidently, you are determined to be with this man. Now that you are an adult, you should let your mother know that you are still in love with this young man. And, that you believe that eventually both of you will get married.

Concerning the baby: The excuse he gave you for getting this girl pregnant is nothing but nonsense. I can understand that he had a one-night stand. But, your mother or you had nothing to do with his behaviour. I hope that he is speaking the truth when he says that he and the mother of the child are not intimate anymore.

I wish you well.

Pastor

[Rose21]

Yawn, I think every man who strays gets women knocked up during a one night stand........sort of funny since so many married people have a hard time having kids.

Or there are some dumb women who fall for the one night thing.

It's the dumb women who fall for the one night stad.

[Rose21]

Dear Pastor,

My girlfriend has complained on numerous occasions about the size of my penis. Ever since I was younger, my penis was a bit larger than usual and now it is affecting my sex life.

Could you tell me what I should do as it is now nearly resting on my knees?

V. W., St. Andrew, Jamaica

Dear V. W.,

Did you say your knees?! My! That sounds like the size of a donkey's. Are you serious? Your knee?! Which woman can stand that? She would have to be created specially for you. Sir, go and see a doctor. I don't know what he/she would suggest to you, but I feel that you should hurry up before that thing goes beyond your knees.

Pastor

[Rose21]

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I hope God continues to bless you with health and strength in order for you to keep giving your fatherly advice to people like myself who value it so much. I have been married for eight years. I originally got married to help my husband and, in the process of doing so, I fell for him and tried to make it work otherwise. After going to hell and back with my husband, and with him threatening to kill me and my children, I decided that our marriage would not work. I relocated to a different state.

I met someone who I have been involved with for almost a year. He lives with his child's mother. Being with someone who is in a relationship is something I would have never done. I am in an excellent paying job, so it's not like I'm not making good money.

For some strange reason I have accepted his living with him child's mother. I am not happy. I think my self-esteem has lowered so much that I sometimes think that not even God is hearing me anymore. I am used to praying and asking God for guidance and, lately, I don't think He listens to me anymore. Maybe He is tired of me, the same way everyone else is. I have lowered myself so much that I can hardly recognise who I am anymore.

I pray to find a good church with an understanding pastor who I can talk to without being judged but that does not seem to be working well. I really need your prayers because right now I am living day-by-day and just doing whatever might come along, without thinking of the consequences. I wonder if it is that maybe I don't care about the consequences. I have other family issues that would be a whole column by itself.

For the most part, I'm still mentally and physically able to think and function daily and I must thank God for that. I really don't want to be with this man but I'm not ready to deal with a man for myself.

I can't trust another man 100 per cent right now, so I figured its best I leave things the way they are. My husband now tells me that he is not signing the divorce papers in order to let me go in peace.

What should I do, pastor? How can I turn my life around?

Please, help me. I need your fatherly advice.

Lost, U.S.A.

Dear Lost,

I have said it before and I will say it now. Happiness is a choice. You brought unhappiness into your life by doing a business marriage because you claim you wanted to help the man who became your husband. That was wrong. You tried to make the relationship work by pretending that you loved him. None can force to himself/herself to love another. It has never worked and it will never work in the future.

You got involved with another man who lives with another woman. Perhaps you got involved with this man because you believed you needed male companionship. Again, you chose the way you want to live. You didn't have to agree to become intimate with this man. Now you feel that if you were to end the relationship with him, you would be left alone.

Another mistake you are making is that you feel that nobody understands your problem. Nobody cares for you. You are always in a state of self-pity. You have chosen to believe that nobody cares, not even church brothers and sisters. You have lost confidence in God. You want God to help you but, at the same time, you want to do your own thing, so to speak.

What I want to tell you is you are messed up and, until you come to the place where you are going to put your life in God's hands, you will never be happy. Use God's word as your guide. Read it everyday. Confess to God that you are a rebel and ask God to clean you up and set you free.

Pastor

There's noting the pastor and god can say or do for her that she do'nt already know.

[Rose21]

Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old woman desperate for advice. I am caught between two men and this situation seems impossible to get out of.

I met the first one around two years ago. He seemed like the man I wanted because he was tall, slim, handsome and he was 16 years older than I am.

I like older men because some are mature and can teach you things. However, in the first part of our relationship he would pull some wicked disappearing stunts for two weeks at a time. I would call him so many times because I loved him and I thought something was wrong. When I got to him, he would tell me these amazing stories of what had happened to him. He also disappointed me so many times, I have actually lost count. He also made promises and didn't keep them. Pastor, I wanted to leave him so badly because I was very unhappy and knew I deserved better. I talked and begged him to change or I would leave. Nothing happened.

Then I met this wonderful man in a class that I was attending. He had just got baptised and was looking for someone to settle down with. Even though he was 30 (as I said before, I like older men), the problem with him was that he was fat and a little too nice. We started hanging out a lot and I put those reasons for not being with him behind me because he made me very happy. I started to feel good about myself because back then I thought God was punishing me by sending the first man who was perfect based on looks and chemistry but his other ways stunk.

I told the first guy about my new relationship. I let him know that I really liked this man and he treated me better. I thought he would have left but that only motivated him. He called and begged me to stay. He even got on his knees and cried. He asked me what he was doing wrong so he could correct them. I told him and he improved, big time. That's when the dilemma started.

Please note that I didn't keep anything from them. I told them the absolute truth because I wanted my conscience to be free and, at the end of the day, noone could say that I'm cheating, etc. They both love me and they both stood their ground. I could leave them but these kinds of men are hard to find in Jamaica and I may never get lucky again. I am a beautiful natural girl with hairy skin and they love that. I am a wonderful person. They are both attached to me sexually so I have given them no reason to leave.

Pastor, I don't know who to choose. I really want this to end well for everyone. Even though they are very mature, someone could snap. My intention was not for anyone to get hurt, emotionally or physically.

Pastor, I look forward for your fatherly advice.

T.K.

Dear T.K.,

Perhaps you are a beautiful girl but you are not smart at all. An intelligent girl does not talk such nonsense. What do you mean when you say that you can leave these men but men like these are hard to find in Jamaica? There is nothing exceptionally good about either of these men. You are only fooling yourself.

The first guy is a user, why can't you see that? Use your head. You should have been out of his life long ago. Why are you allowing what he did to convince you that he loves you? So many men have got down on their knees and begged most women but were not serious about what they said. So, stop believing what he says. If you continue believing that man, you are going to be whipped by your own backward thoughts. You should have ended the relationship with him long ago.

If you want a man in your life and you believe that you and the younger man are compatible, you should try to develop a solid relationship with him. Don't continue to be intimate with both men at the same time, you will get hurt.

Pastor

What a prize catcher she is hairy skin and all. I've yet to meet a man who love a hairy woman

[Rose21]

So this little young lady has two men on the go eh? LOL

And what is she doing having sex with both of them, even more importantly that man who just got baptised and is in church!!

What kind of christian is he engaging in pre-marital sex eh? I thought christians weren't supposed to do them kinda things!!

Suppose the woman gets pregnant? How is he going to explain that one to his Pastor?

Too many people use the term "Christian" too lightly. I don't think the pastor would be too surprise, things like this happen in the church often than we think.

[ECO]

Then I met this wonderful man in a class that I was attending. He had just got baptised and was looking for someone to settle down with. Even though he was 30 (as I said before, I like older men), the problem with him was that he was fat and a little too nice. We started hanging out a lot and I put those reasons for not being with him behind me because he made me very happy. I started to feel good about myself because back then I thought God was punishing me by sending the first man who was perfect based on looks and chemistry but his other ways stunk.

I'm failing to see what is wrong with the second guy. Lol, I don't ever think I've heard someone complain about someone being too nice!