Domestic Violence

[LadySizzla]

I agree with your parents - ideally.

however - real life can throw up situations that don't enable you to act how you predict you would act.

The majority of my life I had a firm belief that women 'who LET their partners get away with it' were pathetic/weak etc. I hadn't seen it or understood it. I then learned a bit more about it through my studies/work (social work etc). And I don't just mean women as victims of men - there is the other side of the coin too. And I began to consider the victims situation.

Then for the first time in my life - and the best lesson i could get in walking in anothers shoes - was violence by my partner in a situation where I FELT trapped. it was small fry compared to most circumstances i've seen some women in. i had my face slapped and i stood eye to eye with him and told him i wasn't scared of him and would never forgive him. BUT i could NOT hit him back or tell him to leave cos at the moment I had an instinct that told me he would have kicked me all over the room if I'd pushed him - at that moment in time. So most people can't just walk away that instant and say FU. They have to bide their time and I've learned that takes more inner strength than punching the fuker back and throwing them out of the house.

Its took me 3 days to sort out the practicalities of leaving him after that incident, even though i was in a foreign country with no fuking money. it takes a hell of a lot longer for some - especially when kids are involved and a woman has to not only think of getting her own arse out of the situation but also that of her children. and thats without even touching on the emotional aspects of the situation.

i used to call 'women' who 'put up with' violence from a partner 'pathetic and weak'. I'm glad to say I've learned a lot. Its a fine line though cos its frustrating looking from the outside in - as a friend wanting to help. and its fair to say that some people do accept it as part and parcel of a relationship. in that case do they deserve it? no - i don't think so personally...but there will always be some who wont do anything about it even IF (practically at least) they can.

[Jelakins]

My parents had arguments...(verbal not physical!!!) it wasn't hidden but it wasn't often. - I think I remember them having two(2) major disagreements while I was growing... and maybe a million petty ones!!! lolol The way I see it is it couldn't have been that bad - they've been married for 43 years now and are still very much in love... :D

For me I think it is important for children to be aware of all elements of relationships so they are armed with the tools to know how to react to differing situations.

An argument means you argue back - silence resolves nothing.
Physical violencehowever is met with Police!!

I'm fortunate in that I have never been in a violent relationship - however I do remember getting to the stage with my daughters donor where I really wanted to punch him out.... that was when I knew it would have to end - he was gone inside 2wks after that.... I could NEVER have respected him if I had hit him.... not that I did anyway!

[LadySizzla]

you know, I agree with everything you just said. There are some people who (like me) couldn't leave then cos they didn't have ANY financial back up....and then there are those who will put themselves and children through crap time and time again cos they BENEFIT from the financial aspects of putting up with that crap - so yeh I agree in those cases I have zero sympathy.

[Tequila and Lime]

I don't know. I have all these thoughts on domestic violence and most are like why aren't you leaving him? But then, without knowing the particulars of the situation, I just can't form an opinion.

I know the victims of domestic violence are usually controlled in such ways that they feel they can't break feel. It's emotional torture, usually financial control, even underlying threats to others they love.

[Tequila and Lime]

I don't know. I have all these thoughts on domestic violence and most are like why aren't you leaving him? But then, without knowing the particulars of the situation, I just can't form an opinion.

I know the victims of domestic violence are usually controlled in such ways that they feel they can't break feel. It's emotional torture, usually financial control, even underlying threats to others they love.

What about those who break free and turn right around and go back . Let's use Rihanna as an example assume she was actually beaten by Chris Brown. What would be her reasons for returning

Pure stupidity IMO then. For me, if I broke away, that would be all she wrote. My issues are usually with breaking free of someone though.

[jellybean]

I was a victim of DV many years ago and had two small children - it takes a lot of strength to leave.

Victims don't stay because they like getting beaten sometimes it is just because they have nowhere to go.

Now there is a lot of help but back then there was a stigma attached to it and the police didn't take it seriously. I never ever told anyone what was happening and even used to go to work and tell them all sorts of lies. It took me years to get over it and even now something really silly will remind me of that time and make me remember it as if it was yesterday.

[jellybean]

Thanks - I always believe that you can't tar everyone with the same brush.

I don't think I'm a poster girl it was just a BIG learning curve for me.

[Tequila and Lime]

It's ironic this topic was up today. Experienced it myself this weekend. Damn fool came at me and some of my friends with a machette.....throwing people down stairs, locking people in the house, taking away keys, phone, whatever he can to control me. Police called. Escaping from the house with clothes and pets.

I personally left and will not be back until he is out. But, I know the helplessness firsthand recently and its' a hard road to even travel for the short term. I feel for those who have had to/will have to do it long term.

[ECO]

It's ironic this topic was up today. Experienced it myself this weekend. Damn fool came at me and some of my friends with a machette.....throwing people down stairs, locking people in the house, taking away keys, phone, whatever he can to control me. Police called. Escaping from the house with clothes and pets.

I personally left and will not be back until he is out. But, I know the helplessness firsthand recently and its' a hard road to even travel for the short term. I feel for those who have had to/will have to do it long term.

Hopefully everyone is ok!

[Tequila and Lime]

Well, in retrospect, we should've waited around for the police. But, in the heat of the moment, we ran. Just got in the car and got the hell out of dodge. She did not want to press charges. She has some bruises on her knee and shoulder.

[jellybean]

sorry to hear this has happened - hope everyone is ok.

[jellybean]

It's ironic this topic was up today. Experienced it myself this weekend. Damn fool came at me and some of my friends with a machette.....throwing people down stairs, locking people in the house, taking away keys, phone, whatever he can to control me. Police called. Escaping from the house with clothes and pets.

I personally left and will not be back until he is out. But, I know the helplessness firsthand recently and its' a hard road to even travel for the short term. I feel for those who have had to/will have to do it long term.

Hopefully everyone is ok!

he might take up the offer of the plane ticket to JA now.

[jellybean]

a really hot place to make love without passion T&L

I'm sorry to hear that, but I am pleased that you are here to tell the tale. God knows what could have happened to you!
A fornicating without passion Machete!! Has he lost his damn mind? Why was he not thown in Jail? Why is he still in YOUR house?

It is usually the woman who leave / flees the house. It took me about 3 months to get my ex out of my house.

[ECO]

OMG TL I hope you and your friends are OK, shaken most likely but OK! Can't imagine why people feel the need to express themselves with violence. Good choice not to go back. A fist fight is one thing but to challenge people with a lethal weapon is another story.

Here in the states a fist fight or even a slap in not ok at all--someone is going to jail! In some areas once the police are called someone is going to jail regardless of the BS "feel down the stairs" crap the police hear once they get to the home.

[ECO]

I know Eco, I was just saying if a fist fight is bad what is to be said about the lethal weapon.

Oh, I thought you were saying that fist fights are okay where you are from! I've heard of places where a man can beat his wife silly without getting in trouble-- glad you don't live in one of those places!

[Tequila and Lime]

It's ironic this topic was up today. Experienced it myself this weekend. Damn fool came at me and some of my friends with a machette.....throwing people down stairs, locking people in the house, taking away keys, phone, whatever he can to control me. Police called. Escaping from the house with clothes and pets.

I personally left and will not be back until he is out. But, I know the helplessness firsthand recently and its' a hard road to even travel for the short term. I feel for those who have had to/will have to do it long term.

Hopefully everyone is ok!

he might take up the offer of the plane ticket to JA now.

Nope. Tried that. I'd like him to be as far away as possible too.

[Tequila and Lime]

Nah.....nothing against you guys. In fact, I think it would be fun. Just know how much extra I would need and not sure what I need to save for at this point.

On the good news front.....pretty sure I am getting a house again. Have a friend who is buy up auctioned houses and flipping them. If it all works out, I will be back in my own house in about 2 months....closing and then fixing it up a little. It's small; but nice. A baragain, and the deal is right for me. I'm really excited.

[jellybean]

hope it all goes through - will keep fingers crossed.

[Batty_gyal]

You know..people say it's impossible for two people who are togeather not to fight...not to have heated and angry arguments..but I never recall my parents having even one. I asked my mom not to long back if this was merely because they hid them from us and she said..nope...your dad and I never fought...we were best friends and when we disagreed we talked it out and found some middle ground.

I'm not saying everyone has the temperment to be this docile about handling disagreements...but I don't think fights are nessesary. I think you might need a few arguments...but two adults should be able to work out their differences without things getting out of control . I think if they get out of control..it's laziness on the behalf of them both. Most people are to lazy AND SELFISH...to take the time to work out their problems...give in a little..and find a compromise. They'd rather run their mouths off...and let their tempers take control. This is what keeps divorce lawyers in business.

So therefore I'm extremly against physical violence because I think it should never reach that point if two people are acting like grown adults!!!

[jellybean]

You know..people say it's impossible for two people who are togeather not to fight...not to have heated and angry arguments..but I never recall my parents having even one. I asked my mom not to long back if this was merely because they hid them from us and she said..nope...your dad and I never fought...we were best friends and when we disagreed we talked it out and found some middle ground.

I'm not saying everyone has the temperment to be this docile about handling disagreements...but I don't think fights are nessesary. I think you might need a few arguments...but two adults should be able to work out their differences without things getting out of control . I think if they get out of control..it's laziness on the behalf of them both. Most people are to lazy AND SELFISH...to take the time to work out their problems...give in a little..and find a compromise. They'd rather run their mouths off...and let their tempers take control. This is what keeps divorce lawyers in business.

So therefore I'm extremly against physical violence because I think it should never reach that point if two people are acting like grown adults!!!

I am neither lazy or selfish and I tried to sort out problems but it never worked.
Anything can trigger someone to lose their temper not just arguments - when you live in a dv situation it can be a simple thing like the dinner is not on the table at a certain time - you might have forgotten to get something from the cleaners. A lot of it is one partner trying to control the other - a lot of mental abuse.

I am against violence too but it didnt stop it happening to me.