One-liners

[Wahoo]

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-b*tch.

[Nanoose]

As a child I was so bright my mother called me sunny.
Cheers!

[Wahoo]

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

[Wahoo]

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

[Wahoo]

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

[Wahoo]

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

[Wahoo]

You can't trust or believe anything you read on the Internet.

--Abraham Lincoln

[ECO]

"The earth, I invented it"

---Al gore

[Nanoose]

"The earth, I invented it"

---Al gore

Awhile back you said that Al Gore discovered North America so now if he is claiming he invented the Earth it means that technically he didn’t discover North America because he must of knew it was there when he invented the Earth.
Can’t see how you could invent the Earth and not know were all the pieces are especially such a big piece like North America. Cheers!

[Wahoo]

That would be unbelievable, Nanoose, except that we have a President who doesn't know the number of states in the Union. He claimed to have visited 57.

[ECO]

Actually the count is sort of under 50 since some are commonwealths instead of states. I forget what the states are called that are not counted as either since we ignore them......DC and PR come to mind.