What made you laugh yourself STOOOOOPID today?

[Batty_gyal]

LOL..they marry this summer in August I think??!!!

[Tequila and Lime]

The bitch shot herself in the foot again by saying stupid crap he KNOWS isn't true. So sick of people thinking they know me.

Seriously, when are you going to get that?

[ECO]

Want a matching one BB?

That's funny.

[ECO]

GOTTA PEE

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought She would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:
'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!'

'That's nothing' said the other husband,
'Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....

'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.''

[Batty_gyal]

Tinks will you find me a funny avatar?? I need a new one!! Mine doesn't show up!

[ECO]

Tinks will you find me a funny avatar?? I need a new one!! Mine doesn't show up!

Post it here and I'll try it. Once in a while some of them vanish when work is done on the forum..........I've never figured out why that happens.

[ECO]

Tinks will you find me a funny avatar?? I need a new one!! Mine doesn't show up!

I gave you a really nice one but Tinks said............well she made me remove it.

Hopefully you don't take offense to the frog, it's from Mexico not Canada.

[Rose21]

http://www.jamaica-star.com/thestar/20090708/news/news1.html


Residents evict freaky women
Two St Catherine females have been banished from their community after they were alleged to have been caught engaging in oral sex.

The spectacle unfolded at the Rivoli community in Spanish Town on Friday.

Reports reaching THE STAR are that about noon the mother of one of the young women left her 19-year-old daughter at home to run an errand.

She returned home unexpectedly and almost fainted when she heard strange panting sounds inside her house.

After entering the house she could not contain her anger when she saw her daughter naked along with an older woman. Her daughter's head was buried between the other woman's legs.

In her distress, the mother is said to have began shouting and this caused a number of curious onlookers to converge on the home.

The frightened females are said to have left the area and have not been seen since.

When THE STAR visited the community a few days after the incident, residents gave mixed reactions to the occurrence.

''If them want to eat themselves to death this is not the place, yu si mi boss,'' Mark said.

Another resident said; "You can imagine in the boiling sun ... dem need God.''

Checks at the Spanish Town Police Station revealed that while the matter was not officially reported and is not being investigated the police have heard of it.

Yea, I am my ass off!!! Mark and the other resident comment just kills me. Gays just cant get a break in Ja.

[ECO]

''If them want to eat themselves to death this is not the place, yu si mi boss,''

I'm not so sure that lesbians are dying from being over eaten..........if that was the case married women from all over the world would cease having oral sex.

[Rose21]

''If them want to eat themselves to death this is not the place, yu si mi boss,''

I'm not so sure that lesbians are dying from being over eaten..........if that was the case married women from all over the world would cease having oral sex.

right a bunch of fools!

[Rose21]

Man pays cops to lock up dog for eating cash

A MAN persuaded police to arrest his pet dog after it ate his rent money by bribing them with more cash to make it worth their while.

Robert Njeru, 25, of Nakuru town in Kenya, took his dog to the local police station after it chewed up almost 3,000 Kenyan shillings (£20).

The farmer had left his rent money for the month on his bed in the morning when he went to work.

When he returned that night, all that remained were a few shreds of banknotes on the floor.

The furious Mr Njeru marched his dog down to the police station and demanded that officers lock up the animal.

Police reportedly refused him until he paid them 50 shillings to make it worth their while.

However on hearing about the story, the district police boss fired the police officer for accepting a bribe and released the dog back to its owner.

Local police spokesman Steven Karungu said: "It was a really stupid thing for the police to lock up a dog after being given a bribe. It degrades the police force in this area.

"It is true the dog ate his master's money, but it was because of his own carelessness, and he should deal with his problems by himself, and not involve the police."

Mr Njeru has still not forgiven his dog and has put it up for sale for 20 shillings, the equivalent of 10p.

[ECO]

I would of fired the district police boss for being such a jackass and letting this story get out.

[Rose21]

A woman is suing an Egyptian hotel claiming her daughter got preggers from swimming in their pool.

Really!

We know those little guys are known to be good swimmers, but let's get serious, okay?

The mother returned home with her daughter after visiting the hotel on vacation, when her 13 year old announced she was pregnant. The woman, Magdalena Kwiatkowska, actually believes the teenager was sperminated while swimming in the hotel's "mixed pool."

What the hell is a "mixed pool"? Does she mean co-ed? What is this, the 50s? Boys swim in another pool so their junk stays in their own water?

PLEASE!

A source confirms that the mother is "adamant that her daughter didn't meet any boys while she was there" and she fully intends to go ahead with her case to seek compensation from the hotel.

We want to see this kid. If she is 13, but looks 18, then our money is on that she went for a little midnight rendezvous while Mommy went to bed. If not, we'd love to see how some radical is going to start promoting "swimming condoms."

[Rose21]

I thoght clean water kills those little buggers, even if the water did'nt have chlorine in it .How warm could the water be to keep them alive.

[Rose21]

That woman is just hedging her bets to make a bit of cash

We live in Litigious society, where people are inclined to sue they think money live solve the problems. How "STUPID" can ths mother be?

[ECO]

That woman is just hedging her bets to make a bit of cash

We live in Litigious society, where people are inclined to sue they think money live solve the problems. How "STUPID" can ths mother be?

Well if either of my daughters get pregnant before they turn 40 I will try that story out

[ECO]

ERY
INTERESTING STUFF


In the
1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed
to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.
Hence we have 'the rule
of thumb'



------------
--------- --------- --------- ----



Many years ago in
Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen
Only...Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered
into the English language.



------------
--------- --------- --------- ----



The first couple to
be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma
Flintstone.



------------
--------- --------- --------- ----



Every day more money
is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.
Treasury.



------------
-- ------------ --------- --------



Men can read smaller
print than women can; women can hear better.



------------
--------- --------- --------- ----



Coca-Cola was
originally green.



------------
--------- --------- --------- ----


It is impossible to lick
your elbow.



------------
--------- --------- --------- ----



The State with the
highest percentage of people who walk to work:

Alaska

------------
--------- --------- --------- ----



The percentage of
Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get
this...)



------------
--------- --------- --------- ----



The percentage of
North America that is wilderness: 38%

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

The cost of raising
a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:

$ 16,400


------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------


The average number
of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour:

61,000

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------


Intelligent people
have more zinc and copper in their hair..



------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

The first novel ever
written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.



------------
-- ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
--------- -

The San Francisco
Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.



------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

Each king in a deck
of playing cards represents a great king from history:




Spades - King David


Hearts - Charlemagne


Clubs -Alexander,
the Great

Diamonds - Julius
Caesar


------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------


If a statue in the
park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air,
the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
of natural causes



------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

Only two people
signed the Declaration of Independenc e on July 4, John Hancock
and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.




------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------


Q. Half of all
Americans live within 50 miles of what?



A. Their birthplace


------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------




Q. Most boat owners
name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?



A.
Obsession

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------


Q.. If you were to
spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?



A. One
thousand

------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------


Q. What do
bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
printers have in common?



A. All were invented
by women.



------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

Q. What is the only
food that doesn't spoil?


A.
Honey


------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------


Q. Which day are
there more collect calls than any other day of the
year?



A. Father's
Day


------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
---






In Shakespeare's
time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'



------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

It was the accepted
practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the
wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the
honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.




------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

In English pubs, ale
is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind
your pints and quarts, and settle down.'



It's where we get
the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'



------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

Many years ago in
England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or
handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill ,
they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle'
is the phrase inspired by this practice.



------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

At least 75% of
people who read this will try to lick their
elbow!




------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

-



Don't delete this
just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read
it.



I cdnuolt blveiee
taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This
is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?



------------
--------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
------

YOU
KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...



1. You accidentally
enter your PIN on the microwave.



2. You haven't
played solitaire with real cards in years.



3. You have a list
of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of
three.




4. You e-mail the
person who works at the desk next to you.


5. Your reason for
not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.



6. You pull up in
your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is
home to help you carry in the groceries.



7. Every commercial
on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen




8. Leaving the house
without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first
20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
and you turn around to go and get it.



10. You get up in
the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee




11. You start
tilting your head sideways to smile. : )



12 You're reading
this and nodding and laughing.



13. Even worse, you
know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.



14. You are too busy
to notice there was no #9 on this list.



15. You actually
scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this
list


~~~~~~~~~~~AND
FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

NOW U R LAUGHING at
yourself.


Go on, forward this
to your friends. You know you want to! Go lick your
elbow.

Education is the best provision for the journey to old age.

[ECO]

Looking at our stats and seeing that someone found our forum by searching for this term:

"recommended jamaica resorts that off happy ending massages"

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=re ... f&oq=&aqi=

[ECO]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a cupla senior citizens a break?'

old.jpg

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.
So my wife called him a the brown stuff that floats in the toilet-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn't care. We came into town on that new bus for seniors and the car had an Obama sticker. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

[Lillywight]

Texasstar!